Reflections
by Metal-Panda-Alex
Summary: They say you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family - no one knows this better than Jenny Flint. Over the years, her relationship with Vastra deepens, but she is still haunted by the ghosts of her past. Four times she looked at that photograph, and four times she was faced with a choice: forget, or move on. Vastra/Jenny one-shot.


**********Doctor Who and all related characters and places are owned by the BBC - I just make them dance for my own amusement.**

**This was meant to be a short little ficlet inspired by the hints of Jenny's backstory we learnt in Demon's Run: Two Days Later, but it kinda got away from me. Finally, with only hours to go until The Crimson Horror, I have it finished :)  
**

**~xxx~**

_1885_

The first time Jenny dared look at the dog-eared photograph hidden beneath her pillow, she had been in the employ of Madame Vastra for little over two weeks. She could scarcely believe that so much time had already passed; every day she awoke in a state of confusion, forced to remind herself again and again that she finally had a seemingly stable state of employment; that this was her life now. At present, the Silurian herself was down in the drawing room, claiming – as always – that she wished to be alone. Jenny didn't blame her mistress at all; she was, after all, hardly riveting company for someone as intellectually superior as Madame. She was simply a house maid – and even that was a step up from the circumstances in which she had found herself not even a month ago; begging on the streets, surviving on just enough to make it to the next week, where the cycle would repeat yet again.

But the solitude was a strange experience, all the same. She was used to being emotionally alone; she had never been good at forming strong bonds with those around her. Sometimes she wondered whether any of the people she had known over the years could ever be considered genuine friends. But despite that, Jenny had always been around people; her first job had found her in the company of other staff, her second had her with fellow barmaids and their patrons, and even begging on the streets, she was always surrounded by people. But now, she was completely alone. The silence of the room was almost unnerving; Vastra made no noise even when she moved about the house, leaving Jenny with only the clock to remind her that time hadn't stopped completely.

Smoothing her uniform out, she got to her feet and moved over to the window. She had never had one before. Outside, the sun was just visible as it faded behind the endless dull grey skyline. The street below was quiet; perhaps that was why Vastra had chosen this area. Jenny could see a couple of young lads walking together, likely homeless. She knew exactly how they felt; how terrifying it was to not even know if you would eat the next day. Suddenly, the quiet walls of 13 Paternoster Row seemed far more inviting than they had moments before. She tore her eyes away from the boys, not wanting further reminders of where she had been only a few short weeks ago.

Instead, she moved back to her bed and sat neatly upon it. As long as she was still wearing her uniform, she had this creeping feeling that Madame was still watching. Her posture was still that of a housemaid at the ready, almost expecting her reptilian mistress to appear behind her without warning. But as she sat for what felt like far longer than it probably was, Jenny finally allowed her shoulders to drop slightly, her hands unclasping and resting at her sides. She cast her eyes around the room; something she had taken to doing quite frequently since her arrival, if only to check that it was most definitely real. The walls and ceiling were a plain white, contrasting vividly with the dark wooden furniture. Jenny had done little in the way of personalising the room, despite Vastra's insistence that she could do whatever she wanted with it. But having spent three months begging on the streets, Jenny had no possessions to speak of. At least, nothing worth stealing.

Contained in a small bag were the only items she had taken from home before leaving. A battered copy of A Christmas Carol, a gift from her parents in happier times. A small wooden carving of a lion; something she had found under her bed as a child and assumedly abandoned by the house's previous occupant. And finally, the photograph she that was now playing heavily on her mind.

Poor as her family was, the taking of this single image had been something of a treat. A photographer was testing his new equipment – allegedly the most advanced of it's kind, though Jenny had her doubts – and had simply sidled up to the family and asked if they would pose. Jenny's father was about to shoo the man away, but her mother stepped in and said it was a wonderful idea. And so the four of them sat; Jenny, her father, her mother, and her younger brother, all in a neat row. At the time, Jenny was fascinated by the camera, having never seen one up close before, to say nothing of having her own picture taken.

Blinking the memories away, Jenny sighed and reached for the small table beside her bed. She slid open the top drawer, and reached inside, taking the folded photograph between two fingers and pulling it out. She had considered hiding it more thoroughly at first, but Vastra insisted she had no intention of setting foot within Jenny's room, and despite their still new acquaintance, Jenny trusted her employer. Slowly, she unfolded the photograph, and turned it right-side up.

There they all were, frozen in time as if the moment was still occurring, their smiling faces betraying nothing of what was to come merely a few years hence. Jenny's father, with his neat moustache and broad grin. Her mother, kind eyes shining up at her as they always had. Her brother's shy little smirk, usually indicating he was plotting something. And Jenny herself, her hair in exactly the same bun she still wore, looking serenely down the lens, not a care in the world.

Her chest tightening somewhat, Jenny traced a finger along the photograph, touching the faces of her family one by one, before coming to rest upon her own. She could feel tears beginning to form, but beneath that she felt an anger; a blind fury at the smiling faces in that photograph. For all she knew, they were smiling those same smiles at that very moment, completely unaffected by Jenny's absence. That thought stung more than she had expected; the very idea that they were even capable of being happy without her made Jenny furious. Was that selfish, she wondered? To hope her family were miserable without her?

She sighed again and closed her eyes, unable to keep them fixed on the picture for much longer. The photograph was like a bad bruise – it hurt to touch, and yet she couldn't help herself from curiously prodding at it, almost curious as to how she would react.

But any further thoughts were instantly dispelled from her mind when there was a sharp knock on the door, followed by Vastra's raised voice.

"Jenny, I want you in the drawing room," she snapped. "Be down in five minutes."

"Yes ma'am," Jenny replied instinctively, already getting to her feet. She gave the photograph one final look, and took a deep breath. She was actually rather thankful for Vastra's interruption, having no idea just how long she would have toyed with her decidedly dark thoughts if the photograph had remained in her hands for much longer.

And so she folded it neatly, slipped it back into it's hiding place, and tried to forget about it.

**~xxx~**

_1887_

It was another two years before Jenny had the courage to face that photograph again. Two whole years of working for Vastra; and what a difference it had made.

When she had started her employment, Jenny had expected little more than the same duties she had carried out during her first ever job – namely housework, preparing meals, mending clothes, and generally looking after Madame's home while she was out. Nowhere in the initial job description had there been any mention of steam-powered Cybermen, self-replicating alien rhinos loose in the Underground, or ghostly apparitions that fed off dreams and turned out to be allergic to lemon juice.

Jenny had been living with Vastra for nearly six months when she finally had the courage to ask what exactly the other woman did when she went out at night. It wasn't uncommon for her Silurian mistress to return home with her clothes dirtied and stained with blood – rarely her own – but Jenny had never dared enquire as to her employer's activities. It wasn't proper for a housemaid to ask unwarranted questions, and even now, she tried her best to maintain her manners as best she could. But it had all changed after she had discovered Vastra's 'trophy room.' Hidden behind a seemingly normal wall panel, opposite the door to the Silurian's bedroom, was a concealed entrance. Jenny had merely assumed it was an odd design choice in the construction of the house; having so much unused space. But as she had discovered accidentally while cleaning a rather persistent stain from the carpet, there was an entire room hidden behind that wall.

Curiosity having always been one of her more dominant traits, Jenny couldn't help but investigate. What she had discovered quite simply astounded her, though in hindsight she should have expected as much. Rows and rows of glass display cases, each containing a single item. Among various objects Jenny had been totally unable to recognise, she saw several strange jewels that glowed as if held to the light, a few severed limbs from various creatures that were most certainly not human, and other trinkets that Jenny could only assume were weapons of some kind. At the far end of the room, in pride of place, Jenny caught sight of something that would go on to become very familiar.

A sword. Or katana, to be precise. Elegantly displayed atop an ornate stand. Below it was another, smaller blade, though quite clearly of similar origins. Before she knew what she was doing, Jenny was striding through the cases as though they had formed an aisle for her. She inspected the weapon closely, taking in the completely unblemished surface of the blade. It was displayed without it's scabbard – Vastra would later inform Jenny that the correct term for a katana's sheath was 'koshirae' – and as such, she couldn't help but wonder why it had been left in such a dangerous state. She had no doubt that merely touching her finger to the blade would break the skin, but then reminded herself that she wasn't even supposed to be in there, so why should Vastra have worried herself with safety?

Of course, Jenny's luck being what it was, when she turned to leave she found herself almost walking right into Vastra's chest. The Silurian regarded her carefully for a moment, and Jenny was certain she would receive a scolding for her trespassing. Instead, Vastra simply commended her for finding the room, and told her to bring the katana and follow her to the cellar. Much like Madame's bedroom, the cellar had been declared off-limits to Jenny, even for cleaning. As she discovered that day, it was where Vastra practiced with her various weapons – and judging by the burn marks on the walls, not all of them were swords.

By now, Jenny was incredibly skilled with her blade. Vastra had allowed her to keep it as her own, on the condition that she practiced with it every day, and had it mastered as soon as she was able. While she was certain the sword's makers would scoff at her technique, within two months, Jenny was accompanying Vastra at night – and since then, she had never looked back. Of course, two years of adventuring and crime-fighting had changed Jenny in many ways. For a start, her physique was almost totally different to the slim, willowy frame of the girl Vastra had saved in an alleyway. Now, toned muscles rippled beneath her still pale skin as she moved, and her uniform required slightly more tightening around a significantly firmer stomach. She doubted Vastra had noticed at all, but Jenny felt like a changed woman – yet another thing she would love to have thanked her employer for, were it proper for her to speak out of turn.

But now, with the evening to herself, Jenny's thoughts turned yet again to the photograph sat in the drawer beside her bed. Rolling her eyes at her own indecision, she quickly withdrew the picture and cast her eyes over it. But no sooner had she done so, than there was a knock on the door. Without thinking, she shoved the photo beneath her pillow and got to her feet, moving to the door in a single long step and opening it. Vastra smiled.

"Am I interrupting?" she asked, her bright blue eyes temporarily leaving Jenny's to scan the room behind her.

"Not at all, ma'am," Jenny replied quickly. "How can I be of service?"

"Oh there's no need to fret about 'service'," Vastra said, waving a scaly hand. "You're not on duty."

"I'm always on duty for you, Madame," Jenny blurted, before catching herself. "Um…I mean…uh…"

"It's quite alright," Vastra replied with a chuckle. "I just wanted to make sure you were alright. That snake didn't seem to like you very much…"

"Oh the feeling was mutual, believe me," Jenny said, relaxing slightly. She stood back from the door. "Do you…do you want to come in?"

"If you like," Vastra said, smiling as she stepped into the room. "It's been a while since I've even been in here, and…oh…"

"What?" Jenny asked quickly, fearing she had done something wrong. Vastra just frowned for a moment.

"It looks exactly the same as it did before you arrived…"

"Oh, yes, I…" Jenny trailed off, suddenly feeling her cheeks burning slightly. "I didn't have anythin' of my own when you found me. Well, not much…"

"I distinctly remember a bag," Vastra said, quirking an eyebrow. "I had assumed it contained your belongings."

"I did. Well, it…uh…"

"Jenny," Vastra began, surprising the young woman by placing a hand upon her shoulder. "When I came to this city, I had only the clothes on my back. You need not feel shame because of the state I found you in."

"You're too kind, ma'am," Jenny replied quietly, turning her eyes downwards. "I…ah…I only 'ad three things."

"And you haven't purchased anything with the money I have paid you?" Vastra asked, scales shifting into a frown. "Is it not enough? I never can tell with your ape money…"

"Oh no, it's more than enough!" Jenny insisted. "It's just…I haven't really…I…"

Obviously sensing Jenny didn't particularly wish to divulge anything further, Vastra withdrew her hand and stepped further into the room.

"Let me see…" she trailed off, turning on the spot as she surveyed the room. "Three things, you said?" Jenny nodded. "Well then…" She continued to look around, looking more as she did when inspecting a crime scene. "Aha!" She moved over to the bookshelf, empty aside from a single volume. She picked it up and brushed a thin layer of dust from the cover. "A Christmas Carol?"

"It was a gift," Jenny said quietly, forcing her voice to remain calm even as the memories bubble to the surface. "It was the first book I ever read."

"I've never had the chance," Vastra commented, turning it over and examining the back cover. "I had a copy, but I loaned it to an old friend and he has yet to return it…"

"What friend?" Jenny asked, once again cursing her mouth for acting before her head. But Vastra just smiled.

"We all have our secrets, Jenny," she replied cryptically, placing the book back on the shelf. "Now then…" She gave the room another look, before swooping over to Jenny's bedside table. Panic momentarily fluttered over her, but Jenny reminded herself that the photograph was currently stuffed beneath her pillow, safely out of view from Vastra as she tilted her scaly head to the side. Jenny followed her eyes and saw that she was looking at the small wooden lion, sat squarely in the middle of the table top. She reached down for it, but stopped just before her fingers made contact. "May I?" she asked, turning to Jenny. She just nodded, and watched as Vastra examined the small carving.

"I found that under my bed," she explained. "Must've been left by whoever owned the 'ouse before."

"…most peculiar," Vastra said. "I am most certain I checked the rooms thoroughly when I first moved in…"

Damn.

Jenny closed her eyes, and let out a quiet sigh. "I…I didn't mean this bed," she said, suddenly unable to meet Vastra's eyes. "I meant…I meant the bed in my old house."

That was certainly enough to grab Vastra's attention. Jenny shouldn't have expected otherwise - Vastra was a borderline genius; of course she was going to notice that Jenny never ever talked about her life before they met. She slowly placed the lion back down, before fixing Jenny with a rather curious expression.

"Have I upset you?" she asked, quite seriously. Jenny just shook her head. "Do you wish me to leave you in peace? I have clearly-"

"It's nothin' you've done," Jenny said, finally looking back up at Vastra. "It's…bloody 'ell, I didn't think it'd be this 'ard…"

"Are you sure something is not amiss?" Vastra asked, peering a little closer. "Are you with child?"

"What?!" Jenny spluttered, looking up at the other woman with horror. "NO! Of course I'm flippin' not!"

"Forgive me, I did not mean to cause offence," Vastra said, raising her hands, as if she were afraid Jenny would attack her. "Please, tell me what is wrong."

Jenny sighed again and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath to calm herself. "…alright," she conceded. "But only if you promise not to tell anyone."

"It must be serious if you are willing to give your employer instructions," Vastra said, a smile tugging at her lips once more. "Besides, who would I tell?"

"You're the one that says she 'as an old friend who keeps books for too long," Jenny replied, managing a small smile of her own. "Do you want to sit?"

Vastra did as she was told, and remained silent, watching Jenny curiously. She always looked at her that way when she was doing something Vastra branded as 'peculiar' – something worthy of study and analysis. Jenny managed to give her another small smile, before reaching under her pillow and retrieving the photograph. She unfolded it again and held it out for Vastra to see. The Silurian leant down to get a better look, scanning over the image meticulously.

"Who are these people?" she asked, not taking her eyes off the photo. Jenny swallowed uncomfortably.

"…my family," she managed. "Mum, dad, my little brother."

"And the small female is you?" Vastra asked, her voice lacking any sort of sarcasm. Jenny just smiled and nodded.

"Yeah," she said. "I don't look that different, do I?"

"You have certainly filled out since then," Vastra said. Now it was her turn to look somewhat embarrassed. "…in terms of your stature, and your…your build has changed somewhat. In the intervening years. One would imagine, anyway."

"This was taken nearly ten years ago," Jenny explained. "We never would have been able to afford a portrait, but this man wanted people to test 'is camera on. Free of charge an' all."

"Forgive me for being so bold, but…" Vastra trailed off, considering for a moment. "…you have not spoken of your family before now. I noticed that you often avoided questions that might lead to this topic, and had simply assumed it was not something you wished to discuss."

"That's because it ain't," Jenny sighed. "I don't like thinkin' about them."

"I must sound rather foolish to you, but I was under the impression it was normal for your kind to show affection for their progenitors?"

"Pro-what now?" Jenny asked, eyebrows raised. "What, don't Silurians 'ave families?"

"Of course we do," Vastra replied. "It is simply a different mentality. A Silurian woman can lay up to ten eggs from a single term. Couple that with our long lives, and it is not uncommon for a single Silurian to birth somewhere in the region of sixty children over the course of her life."

"…bloody hell," Jenny choked, completely thrown by Vastra's words. "I suppose you don't do much in the way of maternal instincts, then?"

"We form close bonds with our clutch," Vastra explained. "Those whom we are born with. We consider them to be our immediate family, not those that conceived us."

"I suppose ten brothers and sisters is enough to be getting on with," Jenny chuckled, fighting hard to clear her mental image of Vastra surrounded by nine replicas of herself.

"Quite," Vastra replied. Only now did Jenny notice the faraway look in the Silurian's eyes. She knew that discussing Madame's people was usually off-limits, and mentally scolded herself for being so insensitive. Vastra, however, was quick to move the conversation on. "I must ask, what became of them? I confess myself puzzled as to why you would choose this life over one with your own family."

"No choice," Jenny shrugged, glancing away and resisting the urge to look down at the photo again.

"Forgive my question, but are they still alive?" Vastra asked. "As you rarely spoke of them, I assumed…"

"Yeah, they're still out there," Jenny muttered. "All three of 'em."

"You do not sound very content with that knowledge," Vastra said, and Jenny couldn't help but let out a harsh laugh.

"That's one way of putting it," she scoffed. "They're probably all 'appy as larry without me. Sometimes I wonder what they told my brother when 'e asked where I'd gone…"

"You believe they would fabricate a lie?" Vastra asked, and Jenny just laughed again.

"They kicked their daughter out into the street," she scoffed. "Lyin' to their own bloody son ain't too much of a stretch."

"What would make them do such a thing in the first place?" Vastra asked. "This is not the sort of behaviour I usually see your species exhibiting towards their young."

Jenny let out a long breath. Vastra still seemed puzzled, so with another sigh, she decided to get it over with. "Four years back, I…I did something. Something my parents didn't much like." Vastra just continued to watch her, and Jenny took the hint. "They…they said I had a choice – change, or leave."

"And here you are…"

Jenny cracked a small smile.

"Here I am."

"Well, despite the emotional discomfort it clearly causes you, I must commend you," Vastra said, fixing Jenny with a surprisingly kind look. "You have never once complained regarding this, and it has most definitely not affected your duties."

"Just doing my job, ma'am," Jenny said. "I told you I'd make sure you didn't regret giving me this chance."

"After all this time, I can quite happily say you have most certainly held up your end of that bargain," Vastra replied. "And thank you."

"It's no trouble, really," Jenny said, but Vastra shook her head.

"No," she said. "For telling me about your family. It cannot have been easy."

"You're easy to talk to," Jenny replied with a shrug. "I just…I trust you. Completely."

"Likewise."

Finally, Vastra got to her feet and flattened a crease in her dress. She turned back to Jenny, continuing to smile. "I will leave you be," she said. "It goes without saying that should you require any time alone for reasons such as this, you will of course have it."

"Actually…" Jenny began, biting her bottom lip for a moment. "…I'd much rather have another talk with you. If it ain't too much trouble, I mean…"

Vastra's smile widened.

"It would be my pleasure."

The Silurian moved a little closer to the door, but paused and gave Jenny a final look over her shoulder.

"Just because some people judge a deed to be a mistake, it does not make it so," she said, her bright eyes fixing Jenny with an unfamiliar look. "You do not strike me as a woman wracked with guilt, Jenny Flint. I wonder if this terrible thing taken by your parents as a reason to ostracise you is truly something to be ashamed of, or whether you have simply not yet found company of the quality you deserve."

With that, Vastra turned on her heel, and excused herself. As soon as the door clicked shut, Jenny felt her smile almost instantly fade. It hadn't been forced; she simply found there was no longer a reason to maintain it. She looked to the spot on the bed beside here, where Vastra had been sitting only moments before. It had been a while since they had talked about anything other than a case, and Jenny couldn't help but miss her employer's presence already. Just what had she been trying to tell her? That look in Vastra's eyes was unlike anything she had ever seen before. Whatever it was, it had been far from unpleasant. Forcing the thoughts from her mind, and rather worried about where they had been leading, Jenny instead returned her focus to the photograph still held in her hand.

Talking with Vastra had relieved a lot of pent-up resentment, but there was still a particularly large quantity still bubbling under the surface every time she met the eyes of her photographic parents. She wondered if her father still laughed the same way. Wondered if her mother still let her brother sit at the head of the table to think he was the most important. She scoffed; of course he would think he was the most important – he was still there.

Realising that this was getting her nowhere, Jenny quickly decided it was about time she got the photograph out of her sight before it caused anymore grief.

And so she folded it neatly, slipped it back into it's hiding place, and tried to forget about it.

**~xxx~**

_1890_

Considering the force with which Jenny slammed her bedroom door shut, it was a miracle she didn't break the frame that surrounded it. As the echo of wood on wood subsided, she was left in complete silence, save for her own heavy breathing. With nothing better to do, she turned and delivered a rather hard kick to the door. Her boot left a dent in the wood, momentarily satisfying her as she took off across the floor, before backtracking in the other direction. When pacing didn't do the trick, she sat down at the foot of the bed. Then stood up again. Letting out a sound resembling a growl, she tore her hair from it's bun and headed back over to the door. Then she changed her mind again and went back to the bed.

In short, Jenny Flint was not a happy woman.

The day had started so well. Perfectly, in fact. For once, Vastra had been the one to wake her up. Before Jenny's eyes had even opened, she felt a barrage of soft, gentle kisses upon her brow, moving down to her cheek and finally to her lips. The first thing she saw that morning had been Vastra's bright blue eyes gazing lovingly down at her. And the day had continued in that same vein – Vastra had offered to make her breakfast, and unlike her first patchy attempts at the task, Jenny's eggs and bacon turned out to be delicious.

All in all, it wasn't a bad start to her birthday.

They had spent the entire morning together, lounging around in the drawing room. They hadn't talked about much, simply enjoying each other's company and occasionally exchanging the odd affectionate look. Vastra had told her she could expect a surprise later that day, and Jenny would been lying if she said she wasn't excited, well aware of the twinkle in the Silurian's eye.

But things had taken a turn for the unexpected when Constable Benton from Scotland Yard had arrived, informing Vastra that there had been a possible lead in a case they were working. He emphasised that it could be nothing, but Inspector Abberline wanted Vastra to know. Ever the curious soul, Vastra insisted it was no trouble for them to come and investigate. As they changed into something more suitable for potential combat, Vastra assured Jenny they would be home in time for dinner – and her surprise. Wanting nothing more than to get back and find out what exactly Vastra had in store for her, Jenny was out the front door before anyone else, a smile on her face.

Fourteen hours later, Jenny's mood had soured considerably. The 'lead' had turned out to be conclusive evidence of alien goings-on beneath Parliament, and had culminated in a lengthy chase through the city's sewer system. But when the time came to confront the 'aliens', they found nothing but a rather pale young man, alone in a makeshift workshop, controlling a complex system of pullies and levers. In short, the entire thing had been a hoax, designed entirely to get Vastra's attention so this man could meet her. Needless to say, he was swiftly arrested and charged with wasting police time.

On the way home, Vastra was satisfied, but Jenny was far from it. She sat in the carriage, arms folded and staring out of the window. Every now and again, Vastra would make some sort of comment, but Jenny wasn't even listening, let alone in a mood to reply.

She entered the house without a word, stormed up to her room, and thus found herself in her current position. She was admittedly somewhat surprised that she had made such a direct line for this place, having not set foot in the old bedroom for over two years, save for Spring cleaning. It was completely unchanged, save for the absence of her book and wooden lion. The carving was now next to the bed she shared with Vastra, and the book had found a new home within one of the drawing room's bookcases, given that the Doctor didn't seem at all likely to be returning his borrowed copy any time soon.

Of course, one thing still remained.

Jenny turned her gaze to the bedside table, wondering why she was even considering looking at that thing again. What purpose would it serve, other than to anger her even more? But before she could decide, there was a loud bang on the door – definitely not Vastra's refined knock.

"Boy, open this door at once!" came a booming voice. Jenny just rolled her eyes.

"Bugger off, Strax!" she snapped. "I'm not in the mood."

"Madame Vastra insists you-"

"I said piss off!" Jenny shouted, grabbing an empty candle-holder from beside the bed and hurling it at the door. "I don't give a damn what she insists!"

There was a pause, punctuated once again by Jenny's heavy breathing, before she was met with the sound of Strax's retreating footsteps. How _dare_ Vastra send up him there to do her dirty work? It was bad enough the Silurian didn't seem to realise what she had done, but to not even attempt to fix it herself? The nerve of that woman!

Fuming, Jenny reached for her bedside table and grabbed the photograph within. She had no idea where this desire to look at it had come from; perhaps it was akin to that strange sensation of 'pain over pain', whereby one relieves themselves by digging a nail into an injury. Or perhaps that was just another oddity Jenny had picked up over the years – she would hardly be surprised. She stared intently at her family, wondering briefly if this truly was meant to be a distraction. Or was she simply running? Returning to them out of spite towards Vastra?

She remembered rows with her parents – excluding the one that ended it all, naturally. Arguments about how she should dress, how she should keep her hair, how she should behave in public; it all seemed so trivial now, not that her younger self would have agreed. She imagined the Doctor would forbid it, but at that moment, Jenny wondered just what she would say if she could go back and speak to the young staring up from the photograph. What would she say? 'Don't get caught' sprang to mind, and Jenny actually managed a small, if bitter, smile. But truly, what would she say? For a start, she could tell her younger self to stay away from the gang members she had spilt drinks over while working as a serving girl – that would have saved her three months begging on the streets. But…

That would also have meant she never met Vastra.

With that thought hanging in the air, Jenny didn't even notice the first series of quiet knocks on the door. When they repeated, she blinked, and looked up.

"Jenny?" a quiet voice called. "Jenny, may I come in?"

"I don't know," Jenny replied. Surprisingly, it was the most apt response she could think of.

"Sweetheart, please…"

"Don't call me that," Jenny snapped. "You 'ave no right. Not after today."

"If you just-"

"No!" Jenny got to her feet, staring angrily at the door. Having dropped the photograph to the bed, her hands were now balled into tight fists. "You don't get to just make it all better with words! You always do that; you always talk and talk and it always gets you what you want. Not this time!" There was silence once more. Jenny waited a few moments, but she was far from done. She took another few steps towards the door, glaring at it as if she could see the woman on the other side. "All I wanted was one day! Is that really too much to ask? Can't you leave it all alone for one single bloody day?!"

"Jenny, please…"

"This was my first birthday since we…" she trailed off, very aware that tears were beginning to surface. "I just wanted it to be special. Just the two of us…"

"But we have been together all day," Vastra said. "I don't-"

"It's not the same!" Jenny felt her anger rising all over again. "Maybe it's different for Silurians, but humans actually enjoy being alone with the people they…" She looked away, unable to say that last word in this state. She sniffed, and forced her voice to remain calm. "All I wanted was one day alone with you. One day where we it could be just us, no interruptions…" Slowly, she moved closer to the door and placed a hand against the faded wood. "This morning was so perfect, so _right_, I just… Was there even an actual surprise? Or were you always planning on dragging me through a waist-high river of shit?"

"Jenny, I…" Vastra trailed off, and Jenny could hear her sigh quietly. "I had no idea it would upset you so…"

"Of course you didn't," the other woman scoffed, rolling her eyes. "For someone who spends her 'ole life _thinking_, you have a habit of missing the bleedin' obvious."

"I just thought a case together would be enjoyable," Vastra admitted. "I assume you would like to get out of the house…"

"On any other day, yes," Jenny said. "You just don't get it, do you? Is it really so 'ard to believe that I might actually enjoy just sittin' around with you? For god's sake, Vastra, I'm not some party guest that 'as to be entertained every five minutes!"

There was another moment of silence, and Jenny had to admit she felt somewhat better. She had never shouted for so long at Vastra; they had bickered of course, but never like this. The strangest thing was how unafraid of repercussions she was; she knew she was in the right – she had to be.

Finally, Vastra spoke again. And in that instant, Jenny felt her heart shatter.

"Jenny, I…I am so very sorry," she croaked. "I have been a fool. Such a fool, and…spirits forgive me, am I so sorry…"

"Vastra, are you…" Jenny trailed off, fixing the door with a look of mixed horror and confusion. "…are you crying?"

"Don't be so silly," Vastra said quickly. "You know Silurians don't cry. I just…"

"It's alright," Jenny said, leaning her head against the door. Vastra just scoffed.

"No it isn't," she said. "How can this be alright? I am supposed to be there for you; to look after you. I promised that many years ago, didn't I? How can I be content with myself, knowing I have caused you such pain."

"You can't be perfect all the time, ma'am," Jenny said, but again Vastra didn't seem to agree.

"But you said it yourself, didn't you?" she sighed. "I didn't need to be perfect all the time – just for today. And I couldn't even get that right." She let out a harsh laugh, and only then did Jenny notice that the sound seemed to be coming from lower down. Was Vastra sitting on the floor? "And now look at me – I'm playing the victim when it is you who has been wronged."

Jenny just remained silent, completely unsure of what to say or do. All anger had dissipated; she had never seen Vastra like this. Any inkling that the Silurian had no idea of how she had hurt Jenny was gone from her mind; quite the opposite in fact. Now Jenny almost felt bad for making such a fuss; she knew she was wholly justified, but hearing Vastra in such a state was far from a pleasant experience.

"If you wish, I can arrange for you to have an evening out," Vastra said, her voice still uncharacteristically quiet. "Tomorrow. I'm sure I can persuade some of the officers from the Yard to accompany you. You can have a nice evening to enjoy yourself, with your own kind…"

Jenny continued her silence. She glanced over her shoulder, eying the photograph laying haphazardly at the edge of the bed. She considered for a moment, and finally smiled. No matter what Vastra did, no matter what mistakes she made, she was still here – her parents weren't. And judging by this little incident, Vastra has far from likely to kick her out.

With a small breath, Jenny reached down and opened the door. Only then did it occur to her – Vastra could have opened it at any time, and yet she had chosen not to. Just as Jenny had assumed, the Silurian was sat in a heap against the doorframe, her dress crumpled beneath her. She looked up at Jenny through reddened eyes; she may not have been crying, but it most definitely looked as though she had. In one swift motion, Jenny bent down and took Vastra's hands within her own.

"I don't want to go anywhere without you," she said. "And 'onestly, I'd rather be knee-deep in sewage with you, than at some high an' mighty restaurant with anyone else."

"You…you truly mean that?" Vastra asked. Jenny hated seeing her so unsure; so fearful. So she just smiled and placed a kiss upon the other woman's forehead.

"Go get ready for bed," she chuckled, nodding down the hallway. "I'll be there in a bit."

"Thank you," Vastra breathed, slowly getting to her feet and managing a small smile. "My dear, I truly am sorry. Please forgive me."

"Give me a few minutes, and then you can show me just how sorry you _really_ are," Jenny said with a wink, still smirking as Vastra – rather hurriedly – made her way to their bedroom.

Alone again, Jenny turned back to the bed. It was strangely unwelcoming now, after all this time. And when she stepped over to it and observed the photograph once more, she found a similar feeling stirring within her. She knew the faces; knew the lives that had made them. But there was a disconnection, almost as if she had somehow gained the memories of another person; that the life lived with those three people didn't belong to her anymore. Yes, Vastra infuriated her sometimes – but at no point was there ever even a possibility of Jenny being thrown from the house. If anything, Vastra seemed more willing to remove herself, then to ask Jenny to leave.

She smiled to herself, silently thanking a god she had long since ceased to believe in for allowing their paths to cross. Whatever disagreements they would face, and she was sure there would be many, Jenny had little worry that Vastra would ever repeat the actions of those in that photograph.

And so she folded it neatly, slipped it back into it's hiding place, and tried to forget about it.

**~xxx~**

_1893_

All in all, Jenny had to admit that she preferred life in the city. Yorkshire had been pleasant at first, but the picturesque town was far too quiet for her liking; too devoid of hustle and bustle. Despite spending the great majority of her time inside, the constant drone of noise from the great city was a strange comfort; one she had not expected to miss until it was no longer present. Still, the adventure in Sweetville had been an enjoyable diversion, even if the Doctor had proved to be a far less enjoyable companion than Vastra.

And as if on cue, Jenny's wife slid into view behind her. Jenny smiled up at the mirror above the mantelpiece, watching as the Silurian moved closer and wrapped her arms around the maid's waist. She all but melted into Vastra's touch, leaning closer as a kiss was pressed to her neck.

"And there was me thinkin' you'd want a rest after that long trip," she teased. Vastra just chuckled and rested her head upon Jenny's shoulder.

"You know me, my dear," she murmured, closing her eyes and giving Jenny a squeeze. "I always fall asleep on trains."

"Oh is that what that snoring lump on my shoulder was," Jenny said, earning a prod in the ribs. "Ow!"

"Now now, you mustn't disrespect your employer, Miss Flint," Vastra said, but her maid just rolled her eyes.

"Oh give over, you silly thing!" Jenny shot back. "You wouldn't last one day without me."

"A week," Vastra said flatly. "I would last a week."

"And why's that?" Jenny asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Because that is how much food we can store in the pantry," Vastra said, but Jenny scoffed.

"Oh I see, I'm only good for doing you meals, am I?" she asked. "So you'd be fine living in a messy, unclean, disorganised hovel?"

"I never had any trouble before you arrived," Vastra replied. "Perhaps you have simply invented all of these chores for yourself to justify your continued employment, hm? Miss Flint, you're fired."

"Oh good, enjoy sleepin' on your own," Jenny said, attempting to dislodge Vastra from her shoulder. But instead, the Silurian just held her closer and nuzzled her neck once more.

"_Mine_," she said firmly. Jenny was unsure what tone she was going for; possessive wife, or petulant child.

They stayed like that for several minutes, just enjoying the close contact between them, sharing the warmth of the fire. Despite her reptilian nature, Jenny had grown to crave the feeling of Vastra's body against her own. The scales were hard, but they still moved together with the softness of skin; pliable, if unbreakable. After a moment, Vastra lifted her head again, and gazed up at Jenny's reflection in the mirror with a curious expression.

"So where did you rush off to upon our return?" she asked. "You were already coming back downstairs by the time Strax had closed the front door."

"Oh, I…" Jenny bit her lip, considering how best to tackle this. "I went to fetch something. From my old room."

She felt Vastra tense slightly; of course she was aware of the only item left on the otherwise abandoned bedroom. Jenny sighed, and rather awkwardly pulled the photograph from her pocket. She held it up, allowing Vastra to see.

"Something happened at the train station," she began. "Something I didn't tell you about." Vastra looked concerned, but remained silent. "I…I saw my brother."

"Are you sure it was him?" Vastra asked after a short pause, to which Jenny nodded.

"Positive," she said. "He's quite an 'ansome young man now; would've turned twenty last month, actually. But 'is eyes are the same. I knew it was him the moment he looked at me."

"Did he recognise you?" Vastra asked, but Jenny slowly shook her head.

"I don't think 'e did," she replied. "I looked at 'im for a good ten seconds, but he just turned an' went. Either he didn't know who I was, or 'e didn't care."

"I'm sorry, my dear," Vastra said, giving Jenny another squeeze. However, the maid just shook her head again.

"Don't be," she said. "It took that 'appening to make me realise somethin' I should have done a long time ago."

"And that was…?" Vastra trailed off. Jenny smiled again.

"I've been runnin' from the memory of my family for about eight years now," she said. "Tryin' to tell myself I didn't miss them; that I didn't care about what they did. In the end I think I tried too hard. I convinced myself that I needed convincing – I only started missing them because I kept telling myself that I shouldn't. But deep down…I honestly don't. At the station, when saw my brother, I…I felt nothin'. I didn't want to run up to him and hug 'im, I didn't want to hit him or shout at him, I just…didn't care."

Vastra remained silent, giving Jenny time to consider her words. Over the years, they had both become very adept at reading the other's expressions and body language, knowing when it was right to give them time to articulate their feelings.

"And now, when I look at this stupid old photo, I…" Jenny closed her eyes. "I still feel nothing. No anger, no pain, just…" For a moment, she pondered, searching her mind for the right word. "…unfamiliarity. Like I don't even know them anymore; like I don't _want _to know them anymore."

"Are you quite sure?" Vastra asked, lifting her head slightly. Jenny just nodded.

"There ain't no doubt anymore," she said. "I know they're out there right now, and maybe I could try to fix things, but…I just don't want to anymore. Why should I waste another thought on them. I've spent all this time calling them my family; my parents, my brother. But what are they to me now? Nothing but three people I knew once." She sighed, and finally opened her eyes again. "When I look at this photograph, I don't see a family. Not anymore." Jenny smiled, and lowered the photograph. "You wanna know where I see my family now?"

"Where?"

Jenny simply tilted her head upwards, smiling up at the mirror.

"Right there," she said, watching as Vastra followed her gaze. "That's my family. The only one I'll ever need."

At her words, Vastra tightened her grip. Jenny could feel a slight tremble in the Silurian's movements, knowing just how much her words had touched the other woman. Finally, Jenny tore her eyes away from their reflections, and twisted in Vastra's arms, until she was facing the real Vastra properly. She stared into those bright blue eyes, so full of love and longing and trust, and pulled her into a gentle kiss. Resting their foreheads together, Jenny spoke, her voice nothing more than a whisper.

"You've been more of a family to me than they could ever hope, Vastra," she said. "And I know, that as long as I'm with you, I'm never gonna think of them ever again."

Vastra was silent, letting out nothing more than a shaky breath.

"I think you'd better go round Strax up," Jenny said, smirking slightly. "You look like you're about to burst."

Vastra laughed and nodded, slowly removing her arms from Jenny's waist. Quickly, she leant closer, and whispered in Jenny's ear.

"I love you."

And with that she was gone, leaving Jenny alone for the moment. She intended to follow Vastra, but not until she had done one last thing. She looked down at the photograph, battered and scuffed after all this time. Her father, a man who beat her; lashed her for being who she was. Her mother, the woman who told her again and again that she would marry a man she had never met. Her brother, so innocent in those days; just what lies had they fed him over the years? How much had her parents poured their own hatred into him?

At that moment, Jenny's own anger and loathing flared, contorting her previously calm expression into one of utter contempt.

And so she screwed it up, tossed it into the fire, and never thought of it again.


End file.
